Competitive Eating
A few years ago John Bonnauito--I'm hopeless when it comes to spelling that name--said something that will probably stick with me for the rest of my life: If your not eating competitively, you're wasting your time. Two nights ago we caught an eating competition on the Fox networks recent inroad into Korea. It was beautiful, so beautiful that at points I thought I was going to vomit. The competitors were introduced, then stood in a line as what they would soon consume at race-pace came tumbling out of a barrel suspended from the ceiling.
The butter was brilliant. We watched as Dan Moses Rather chowed 7 quarter pound sticks of butter. "He eats one meal a day, and he eats it competitively," the announcer said as Rather masticated away his competition's hopes of moving to the next round.
The next round put the Doginator in the same dish as Gaseous Maximus, some dude from Texas who ate 42 pickled eggs(I think he even called himself Cool Hand) and a bunch of others. Gaseous Maximus was decked out in Roman garb and not so competitely eating his whole cooked beef tongue. The "gluttoncam" gave us some great low angle shots of dude from Texas sweating and gnawing at his portion with difficulty. "You have to have the inner strength," said the announcer. The doginator had some competition in a man from Jersey, but with his inner strength put him in his place. One man was twitching, and the Doginator, well "he's saying hello to another beef tongue!" Afterwards, with his medal around his neck, the Doginator said "It feel great to be the tongue champion."
Then we witnessed one of the greatest in sports today, the Tsunami, the Prince, a 23 year-old, 130 pound Japanese guy who puts all the big fat sweaty gluttonous dudes in their places. He ate something like 31 hotdogs in a few minutes, twice as much as the competition while they shook their heads and laughed. Kobayashi's mechanical style of wolfing down the dogs was clearly no laughing matter.
Last night after I was asleep, Traci saw Kobayashi once again chew and regurgitate his 'competition.' This time it was brains. The doginator just stared, Rather tried and failed. With one minute left, the Tsunami was asking for another plate. That, my friends, is beauty.
The butter was brilliant. We watched as Dan Moses Rather chowed 7 quarter pound sticks of butter. "He eats one meal a day, and he eats it competitively," the announcer said as Rather masticated away his competition's hopes of moving to the next round.
The next round put the Doginator in the same dish as Gaseous Maximus, some dude from Texas who ate 42 pickled eggs(I think he even called himself Cool Hand) and a bunch of others. Gaseous Maximus was decked out in Roman garb and not so competitely eating his whole cooked beef tongue. The "gluttoncam" gave us some great low angle shots of dude from Texas sweating and gnawing at his portion with difficulty. "You have to have the inner strength," said the announcer. The doginator had some competition in a man from Jersey, but with his inner strength put him in his place. One man was twitching, and the Doginator, well "he's saying hello to another beef tongue!" Afterwards, with his medal around his neck, the Doginator said "It feel great to be the tongue champion."
Then we witnessed one of the greatest in sports today, the Tsunami, the Prince, a 23 year-old, 130 pound Japanese guy who puts all the big fat sweaty gluttonous dudes in their places. He ate something like 31 hotdogs in a few minutes, twice as much as the competition while they shook their heads and laughed. Kobayashi's mechanical style of wolfing down the dogs was clearly no laughing matter.
Last night after I was asleep, Traci saw Kobayashi once again chew and regurgitate his 'competition.' This time it was brains. The doginator just stared, Rather tried and failed. With one minute left, the Tsunami was asking for another plate. That, my friends, is beauty.
posted by The Principal at 11:06 AM
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